


A Special Kind of Cruelty

by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)



Series: Holly's Round Nine H/C Bingo Card [1]
Category: Waitress - Bareilles/Nelson
Genre: F/M, Past Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 03:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice
Summary: Looking back, Jim never remembers what it was that he had loved most about Jenna. The scent of her skin or the touch of her fingers or the taste of her pies. Everything about her had been wonderful and intoxicating, everything he'd forgotten love could be. She'd been warm and soft, loving and kind, and that had been more than enough. Intelligent and clever with wit and word, with tongue and hand, and all told, she had been everything he'd never known he wanted.Jim Pomatter ruminates on life after loving Jenna.





	A Special Kind of Cruelty

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'ed. Part of my Round Nine H/C Bingo Card. Pseudo flash fiction; apologies for the quality.

Looking back, Jim never remembers what it was that he had loved most about Jenna. The scent of her skin or the touch of her fingers or the taste of her pies. Everything about her had been wonderful and intoxicating, everything he'd forgotten love could be. She'd been warm and soft, loving and kind, and that had been more than enough. Intelligent and clever with wit and word, with tongue and hand, and all told, she had been everything he'd never known he wanted. And her pies.

Well. He supposes he's just glad Francine has never had a penchant for baking.

It would be easy to convince himself the food was all it took. It would be easy to pretend that her pies had been what drew him to her, when his own wife never seemed to enjoy anything of the kind. It would be easy to pretend that her devotion to her craft was all it took. It would be easy. But it would be a lie.

Because he wasn't just addicted to the sweet pies or the savory pies or the flakiness of her perfect pie crust. He wanted more than just that. He wanted her. Her, in all her light and glory, wanted to rub away the tarnish her husband had left behind and leave her feeling shiny and new again. And he had. Or at least, he likes to think he had. Likes to think that she came back for something more than an escape from her husband's cruelty. That he gave her something in return for the freedom he'd felt for those few blessed months. He doesn't know, though. Not for sure.

The world goes on turning, and when he leaves, he knows he's leaving more than just her skills as a baker behind. He's leaving her passion and dedication, her genuine nature and forthright commitment. He knows that he has so much more he could ever ask for as a professional in his relationship with wife, and yet he'd yearned for more, for what he could never keep, and Jenna— Jenna had let him pretend with her, just for a little while. Pretend that he could have something a little more human, a little more true, and that's a cruelty to Jenna and Francine both to even think that, but he does, he does. Jenna had been the light, the warmth, the joy, the delight, the _life_ that he and Francine had somehow lost. To have found it, there, in the middle of nowhere, feels strange and cruel but true, so true. Jenna had reminded him what it was to thrive rather than simply survive, and now he doesn't know if he will ever find a way to return to what he was before. If he even wants to.

But Francine loves him, as fiercely as she knows how, and if Jim never touches another slice of pie in his life, he thinks he may be able to forget about bright eyes and careful hands and a smile that changed his life. He thinks he may be able to forget the cut of her words as she'd told him they were done, that they had to be done, that she had a daughter to think about now. He thinks he may be able to forget what he did and learn to live his life again. Not the way it was before, but the way Jenna had reminded him it could be. He thinks. He thinks he might be able to live again.

Ninety-five days pie-free, he walks past another shop and reminds himself, yet again, that he's stronger than his mistakes. Ninety-six days pie-free, he kisses his wife and tells her he loves her and thinks he might be starting to mean it again. Ninety-seven days pie-free, he thinks this must be what it is to forgive himself. Nintey-eight days sober.

Here's to one more day.

**Author's Note:**

> [Come hang with me on tumblr!](http://hollyandvice.tumblr.com/)


End file.
